Snapshots of our Wedding Day

7:00 am

We wake up together. The sun lightly shining through my bedroom window, falling onto our warm quilted bed. We hold each other, not wanting to let the other go. We kiss. Since I was a young girl, I dreamed of waking up in my childhood room on my wedding day. That day was today. That moment was now.

10:12 am

I am sitting on our old kitchen stool, as Sam does my makeup in the laundry room.  Not only does our laundry room have the best natural light, it has the best view of the Valley. I have whitening strips on my teeth and my “Get Ready” playlist softly plays in the background.  Celia sits on the ground doing her nails, Jossalynn plays with the dog, Bethany is in the chair behind me getting her hair done. We all have on our silk floral robes, all a different color. Savannah runs from room to room, modeling different dresses and asking our opinion on which one she should wear for the wedding. Mom yells up the stairs, “Brandi is here!” (that’s our photographer).  I feel calm, collected, and like there is no other place I would rather be, than sitting on this old, fold up kitchen stool, getting ready for my wedding. The morning is flawless.

11:44 am

I get dressed in my mother’s room. My dress hangs from her mirror, and my mother helps me take it off the hanger. I step into the dress and slide it up over my hips, my mother zips up the zipper and carefully hooks the few buttons in the back. We look in the mirror together, taking the first look at the same time. It’s hard to say anything at all, and it was hard to hold back the tears of pure joy. Of finally being able to see myself here, in my wedding dress, with my mother by my side. She hooks the necklace around my neck, and gently kisses my cheek, almost telling me, “You look perfect.”

12:06 pm

I’m running late, but it is a beautiful chaos. I buckle on my heels, I gather up my bags, and grab my veil for someone to put in my hair later.  “Me and Bobby Mcgee,” is playing in the background, and Savannah sings the lyrics to me as I hurry down the upstairs hallway. We sing in the mirror together, taking a quick mental selfie. I walk down the stairs, my white high heels clicking on the wooden steps, my bags slung over my shoulders, all ready to go for the day. I make it down to the dining room and my mom yells out to my dad, “Do you want to see her Tom?!” I walk out onto the porch, and it is the first time I have seen my father all day, he begins to cry. “You look beautiful,” he stutters through tears. I hug him and look over his shoulder to see Jonathan standing by the cross in the distance, with the Valley and the cornfield behind him. It looks like heaven.

12:12 pm

The sun is out, and the land is quiet. I begin my first walk down the aisle on my wedding day. There is no congregation, no priest, no wedding party. It is just him waiting for me at the end. His back is turned and as I near him, I tell him “I’m here honey.” He turns around and his face lights up. His eyes widen and his hands grasp his mouth as if in surprise. It is his pure reaction. He comes to me, and we kiss. We hug. We embrace this moment with the other. We stand in front of the cross and he reads his vows to me first.  I cry. He tells the story of how we first met and how I changed his life for the better. Forever. He is a beautiful writer, even when he doesn’t think so. Next, I read mine. I cry when I begin reading the first line. I tell him how I could not imagine my life without him and that I would not know God the way I do if it wasn’t for him.  After we finish, we hug.  This long, hard hug, that felt different than all the others.  Like we cared for each other a little differently now, a little deeper. It was the hug you would hug after exchanging your wedding vows for the first and last time. Brandi snapped the perfect photo of that iconic hug.

1:30 pm

We finish up our wedding party pictures, next to the hop house stone wall, in front of the sunflowers, by the corn field. The boys crack jokes and make the girls laugh through our natural smiles. The sun stays out, but the wind picks up. My veil keeps falling out and eventually we must use 15 or more bobby pins to hold it in place. A bug crawls up my dress, and my sister almost has a heart attack thinking it is a stain.  We could stay out here all day; giggling, feeling like models, sneaking a drink from the coolers in the hop house and taking pictures under the hops. My mother yells out to us, “You better get in here before any of your guests see you!” We retreat to the house and head to the basement. We gather around my father’s bar, where only a couple months ago Jonathan asked me to marry him. We show everyone where he hid the ring and retell the story.  I pop my bottle of champagne and pour a glass. We all do a toast; a full circle cheers. We are relaxed, yet excited. The basement was the perfect place to be, no windows where you could see people walking in or for them to see you. My father was in his glory, showing off his favorite antiques that adorned the walls and shelves of his restored basement. To have our friends and family all together in one place, looking our absolute best, felt like a dream within itself.  As the minutes passed, and the time grew closer to the ceremony we slowly made our way back up into the light.

2:22 pm

We quickly make our way to the hop house. The wedding party all huddled around me as we walk across the driveway. Goose’s “726” plays over the speakers as we enter the barn. We explode into excitement, trying to remember what we practiced only the night before and the order we are supposed to be in. I giggle to Tanner over the Walkey Talky, “Finish out this song and then start the procession song!” We have to end on Goose.  Before we line up, I gather the group to say a prayer. We circle around each other like a football team about to head out on the field.  Jonathan is by my side, holding my hand. Eric leads us in a prayer, our “Amen” in perfect unison.  The procession song “Sigh no More” begins. We hurry and line up, remembering now how it is supposed to go. I stand in the back with my father, taking some last looks in the mirror he strategically placed out in the hop house for this very reason. My mother looks back at us, my sisters and niece in front of me, my nephew about to walk her down the aisle, and she begins to cry. This deep and hard cry, because it has got to be one of the most beautiful moments of our life. Our family together, all lined up, me, the last daughter to get married, and not just anywhere, but here.  At home, our home.  In Cherry Valley. Her face, her tears brought tears to my eyes. I lost it right there, right when I didn’t think I would, or could. Right before walking down the aisle, our aisle, out into the Valley and our corn fields and the blue sky.  I lost it right there, standing in the hop house, watching my husband begin to walk down the aisle with his mother, and then my mother follow behind them with my nephew.  It was a culmination of all feelings. Of love, of gratitude, of appreciation for this place, this family, this human I was deciding to spend the rest of my life with.  It was all the feelings, all at once, and it was hitting me now. Just moments before I had to walk down the aisle.

2:30 pm

Somehow, we are right on time. The boys and mothers get down the aisle and now it is our turn.  My song starts to play, Mumford and Sons, “Malibu.”

In all my doubt
In all my weakness
Can you lead?
I fall behind
But like you promise
You wait for me.

And I feel a spirit move in me again
I know it’s the same spirit that still moves in you
I don’t know how it took so long to shed this skin
Live under the shadow of your wings

You are all I want
You’re all I need
I’ll find peace beneath the shadow of your wings…

I have it perfectly timed as to when the girls begin their walk. I had been playing this song over and over again for months, fixating on the timing of how this would all work.  Now it was time to finally implement my plan, live out my well thought idea.   At first the song starts slow, acoustic, the lyrics could not tie more perfectly into the landscape and this time of our lives.

I’m still afraid
I said too much
Or not enough
You’d only see
The ghost still rising
A broken touch

But walking through the valley was what brought me here
I knew I would never make it on my own
And I don’t know how it took so long to shed this skin
Live under the shadow of your wings.

My sisters, Celia and Bethany, my beautiful niece Jossalynn, and my maid of honor Savannah have all made it down the aisle. They are standing at the cross with the boys now. My father and I are left. We inch up closer to the open hop house door. We stand there on the barn’s edge, the sun shining through the hop vines and bright onto our faces. For a moment, I just bask in the light. I look up to the heavens and I smile.

You are all I want
You’re all I need
And I’ll find peace beneath the shadow of your wings…

My eyes are closed, and I am waiting for my cue, for the song break, for the speed up. For a moment I forget what it is I must do and just feel the warmth of the sun. And then the song reminds me, it’s time. The break is coming, I nudge my father and tell him, “This is it,” and so we begin our walk down the aisle.

Walking through the valley was what brought me here

As I walked through our Valley, towards the love of my life, the sun breaking through the clouds, our friends and family surrounding us, it was, without a doubt the climax of all moments of my life. I had my eyes fixed on Jonathan the whole time. I almost don’t even remember noticing where people sat, I was only looking for him, at him. It was only him and I. I had never felt more focused, than I had in that moment.  Locked in on my soon to be husband and what we were about to do. It was our mission, the force driving us forward, together, to become one and say, “I do.” It was a prayer we had prayed for so long.  And just like that it became true.

Later…

The rest of the day was pure bliss. I don’t think we were ever not smiling. From the family photos to the big group photo at the end of the ceremony, to Brandi stealing us away into the field at sunset for our golden hour photos. We smiled so hard; my jaw grew sore. But I didn’t care. I would smile until I died, I was so happy. It was the little moments that day that stand out to me now. My mother, Savannah, and Celia bustling up the back of my dress for the reception. Walking over to the barn for the first time and seeing how beautiful it looked. Aunt Jane getting me my first drink of champagne. Sitting at the head table with Liz and finally eating my appetizers. 10 minutes of photos and saying hi to everyone. Standing out in the courtyard with the wedding party, waiting to be announced “Mr. and Mrs. Upshur” for the first time, squirming with excitement like we were kids again. Savannah’s maid of honor speech and her singing the song from Beaches at the end. Dancing our first dances. Ms. Elaine dancing with her tambourine to “Twist and Shout” and watching her smile the whole time.  Pictures with the SLU crew and in the sunflowers. The speaker fiasco. Photo shoots and polaroids in the van. Greta and Solomon dancing in the courtyard. Trying not to cry through all the thank you speeches. All the dances, with my mother, my father, my sisters, our tribe. Watching the painting form.  Samba break dancing. The sun setting and the stars coming out. Lighting the tiki torches. The first band ending and dancing to “Fireball.” Taking a group of people to our tent and taking Tequilla shots. Putting on my white fringe jean jacket and boots. Grabbing a different girlfriend to go to the bathroom with each time. Dancing in the dark, under the barn lights to the second band, Becca playing all my requested songs (even “Possum”). Drinking up the last of the good beers. Noah scavenging wood from the nature trail and making a fire in the courtyard. Sal jamming the light night tunes on his guitar. Forgetting to pick up the pizzas at the Tryon.  Jonathan attempting to undo all the buttons on my dress. The feeling of getting out of my dress and putting on pajamas. Tanner and I scoring leftovers from the fridge. Lying down with my husband at 3:30 am. Hearing the coyotes howl all through the night. Waking up and realizing we did it. We lived out our perfect day, we held the perfect wedding, and we will never be the same couple again.