I have always wondered what it would feel like,
what I would feel like.
To finally be at this point in my life.
To finally walk down the aisle and join my life with another human.
It wasn’t that I was just getting married, it was this feeling I had as I came closer to it.
This feeling I acquired within. With time.
This feeling that came with years of self-work and slow maturity.
Of finally realizing that this was what I really wanted. That he was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. There were so many years, so many times, where I was so unsure of who I was and who I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be with.
I always tried to picture what my life would look like. Who I would look like, feel like, and live like as I approached this monumental time in my life, but it looked nothing like who I am today.
Today, I am better.
Today, I looked, I felt, I was living better than I could have ever imagined.
Today, I did myself proud.
It has been a long time coming. A long, slow climb to this personal sense of success and satisfaction.
It has been a long time coming of trial and errors, changing jobs, leaving states, breaking bad habits, and creating better ones.
It has been a long time coming of perfecting the balance between home and here. Of understanding that it is okay to love and miss where I am from, but to be content and fulfilled with where I live. How I have learned far more from both places, than I would have from one.
It has been a long time coming of finding a purpose. Teaching, writing, praying, smiling. Loving. Your purpose can change, it can be many great things but always keep it a consistent forefront of who you are, and what you are aiming to be. To have a purpose, is a purposeful thing.
It has been a long time coming of putting God first. Of putting in the work. Reading his words and living by them. Exemplifying them. Finding someone who cared enough to reinvent and refresh my soul with the Holy Spirit, changing my life and restoring it. Making my spirit stronger than I ever thought it could be. For that I am blessed.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a long time, because it was. It took years of developing myself, in order for me to be proud of it. Of rising above the chaos, developing stability, maintaining order, strengthening relationships and holding on to the good ones.
It has been a long time coming of understanding what it takes, the shear commitment and constant determination, of making myself proud.
But I feel it now though.
I feel it right now.
Proud; In constant appreciation of the work I have put in, and the years of joy and fulfillment that have come from it. That will come from it.
It’s been a long time coming to get to where I am. Where we are.
Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.
If we could get here, we can get anywhere. With God, with our love, with time.
I have always wondered what it would feel like. What this would feel like.
Getting married.
Little did I know that I, we, would surpass any feeling I once had and replace it with our greater reality of what we are right now. Who we are.
If this is only the beginning, I have no doubt I will die some day with a proud, full heart.
And that will be my greatest achievement of all.
My prayer come true.